3 AM

N.M.

I take a drag from my cigarette, it reminded me of your tobacco-stained lips. I hated smoking, but I knew that it was what reminded me of you the most
I wander in a place crowded with lights and people and lust
I know that I do not belong here

I dance with the lifeless bodies, they are hungry for others alike their own
I search in the dead crowd for a soul almost like yours
But my search is futile, and hopeless, and useless

I crave for a warmth that reminded me of yours, but every time
I tried to hold another’s hand, it electrified me
But it wasn’t the same electricity, the same warmth I felt deep in my bones
When I touched you

Liquor swims in my guts, and fake ecstasy wraps my soul
Suddenly exchanged by sickness, and guilt, and horror
I lost you amidst my 3 AM thoughts

I lost you long before I lost myself

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