Not today

I want to tell you I would drop everything and I would follow you. But will I ever mean it?

I miss you so much.

Do you remember when we woke up slightly before dusk, and I curled in your arms, and you left two little kisses on my forehead?

Soft sweet kisses that have left my skin burning. The scars are yet to be healed.

I close my eyes and I can feel your hand caressing my head again. I miss you so much. The flood of tears interrupts me. I snap out of the fairytale moment. I am at work. Can’t be seen with tears.

Who would take me seriously if I was crying at the office?

Each and every one of us, working women, is working hard to fight off the stereotypes that we are weak. How would I cheat my fellow sister and shed tears at the office?

Not a day can be wasted.

Moving on. Life is calling.

Do you remember how long we have avoided speaking of our feelings?

I woke up in the middle of the night one time and I looked at your angelic face. I wanted to wake up to tell you how much I love you, and how much I desire being with you for the rest of my life.

You really were a dream, a dream that never came true.

Would you drop everything and follow me?

I know how hard you have worked to get where you are. Feelings interrupt us from focusing on our own path. Who am I to walk with you a path you’ve been building for years? Who am I to distract you from your goals?

Don’t say it. I know you feel it. Don’t say it. Don’t make it official. Repress the love. It will eventually get easier.

We kept saying that we did not except getting here with our… don’t say it… it’s not a relationship.

What is here? Where are we? How come we don’t have answers and yet your arms feel so safe? Allow me to cry one more time in your arms. I will miss you so much.

But I will never tell you.

We owe it to our realities not to involve feelings. We owe it to the years of sweat and fights. We owe it to ourselves. The rebels fighting a society.

Make me laugh louder.

Tell me your deepest secrets.

Then fuck me.

Fuck me harder.

Hug me through the night.

It’s so cold. You’re so warm. Stay.

But don’t tell me you love me. Don’t.

It had become overwhelming right?

I know…

Is that why we left?

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